amani

2004-12-02T13:11:00.000Z

I love the grateful list on Adriana'a blog. I have been keeping a grateful journal also. Some highlights: Chocolate croissants in Belgium, Webcam with Grandma, Roadtripping on a sunny day, the kindness of strangers, morning coffee, and of course the lovely Maya and Farid (my current favorites!)

Hold the Light

2004-11-04T14:42:00.000Z

I make a call to all of us to shine brighter than ever before!

2004-10-23T17:06:00.000+01:00

the darling child

momness

2004-10-23T16:30:00.000+01:00

I can not believe how much I love being a mom! I wake up so exhausted at times but I look into this child's face staring back at me and can't believe how blessed I am.

She woke me up this morning at 6:12am by grabbing my arm and giggling with a look on her face that could melt the north pole! And it is not possible to turn down the offer to play the spit bubble game. I have never been so grateful in all my life, or sleep deprived!

The absolute joy just bowls me over.

The vote is in...

2004-10-11T14:42:00.000+01:00

the mail!

I just mailed my absentee ballot and I felt momentarily triumphant. I have never felt that my vote was important before and getting my ballot in this time has felt crucial to the promise of our planet.

That said, DEAR GOD I HOPE PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS AND GET OUT TO THE POLLS IN RECORD NUMBERS!!!!!

And so it is.

again

2004-09-29T18:23:00.000+01:00

I REALLY DO LOVE THE MEDITERRANEAN! Driving through France was really wonderful. I never knew it was so beautiful. We will definitely return.

Maya was great. She was a dream in the car. I wasn't sure how she would do in her car seat for a whole day of driving and she was brilliant. And she just seemed to eat up the glorious light on the sea.

We ate great food and Mom and Far drank lots of wine (I'm breast feeding so I just did a bit of tasting). It was really fun. But now we are chomping at the bit to hop on the plane for the states.

We are happy to be in our cozy little apartment and Maya is happy to see her toys and the dog. And of course I am checking into the possiblility of moving to the south of France!!!

Back

2004-09-29T18:16:00.000+01:00

I was whining

2004-09-16T14:14:00.000+01:00

I was definitely whining, not very cute.

Farid and I have been discussing moving for the past year and we just haven't been able to come to a decision. The universe has not sent us any definite signs on where to go so I have been all over the place trying to figure it out.

I have never had to consider anyone else in my decision making process before. I have always been able to just pick up and go and if I don't like it I just pick up and go again. Not possible anymore...And a huge adjustment for me!

I do trust that the universe will make it more clear when it is time.

In the meantime I will be where I am with my beautiful family. I am so in love with them that most days I don't care where we are. But on the other days I am missing community, sunshine, and environmental inspiration.

So one of the options of course is the US (not first on our list). We are going to be in the states for 6 or 7 weeks over the holidays and we are just going to see how that feels. And I hope to see as many of my friends as possible. So if your holiday plans take you New Mexico please let me know!!!!

And I will do my best to stop f'ing whining

change of scenery

2004-09-11T13:49:00.000+01:00

One more week and we will be heading to the south of France! My mom is flying in and we will hop in the car and go. Man, I really need a change of venue. I am so tired of Rotterdam. Maybe the change of pace will help me get some perspective. And to the universe: WHERE IS MY HOME?????

On the horizon

2004-08-28T17:44:00.000+01:00

I just heard some of the almost final mixes of the album I have been working on for over a year now and I am SO EXCITED! It has been a difficult journey through many musicians recording in three different studios and even spending a month in former Yugoslavia recording. But we just started working with a new guitarist and he is amazing and the stuff finally sounds like what we all imagined in our wildest dreams! I have a sneaking suspicion that this long musical road is finally coming to fruition. "The Dream" is coming true?!?!?!?!

Who's first?

2004-08-22T20:02:00.000+01:00

It's almost three months that I am a mother. It is impossible to get perspective at this point. But I am feeling like many women sharing my body and my time. There is my mama self, who gets the majority of my time and my body, there is my girlfriend self who is doing a pretty poor job lately and not getting much time or body, and there is my work woman who is also my creative woman who is also crying out for more time. My social self hasn't even thrown her hat in the ring, it's not worth fight at this point. And the main question at this point is whose needs get filled first or at all? I welcome any suggestions.

on my latest field trip

2004-08-17T23:45:00.000+01:00

i spy a hooker with her latest trick
sucking for her next hit

i spy a young man reading alone in the grass
a stack of books may help him not repeat the past

i spy a dark round woman surrounded by kids
she's passing on wisdom thank god someone is

i spy with my ears a live drum rhythm that predates these years
and even in this european land indians still dance to drums beaten by hand

i spy the people who call the streets their home
strolling through trying to pick up enough to stay in the high and out of the cold

as the clouds roll in the dark round woman stands and fold her blanket away
the young man packs his books
the hooker and her trick have long since finished their rock
and the ones from the street hurry out to less green pastures
and i move on to finish my walk

Back to work

2004-08-10T19:09:00.000+01:00

I headed back into the studio this week and had my first full day away from Maya. Wow! I have a new respect for working moms. It was interesting to miss her SO MUCH!!! And be so happy to be a grown woman on my own. It was the first beer and cigarette I have had in a year! After recording I just sat there and reveled in myself enjoying a beer and a conversation that didn't include poop, boobies or postpartum depression. But I drove home like a bullet to get to Maya. She was asleep when I got home and Farid had to talk me out of waking her up. There is no way I could do that everyday. Thank God I make music for a living! Thank God I am not tethered to some job that would force me to be away from Maya everyday all day. And God bless the parents who have to. I look forward to heading back into the studio later this week. And I still have to figure out how to get some time to myself for my creative endeavors but I am sure with some creativity I can figure it out.

Friends

2004-08-02T14:39:00.000+01:00

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

I just saw this quote and it made me smile. It is very true. I hold every friend i have in a special place. I have learned so much from everyone in such different ways. And I have come to appreciate friendship even more now that I have been far away from most of my close relationships. What we have to give to eachother and offer eachother is truly invaluable.
THANKS TO ALL MY DEAR FRIENDS!!!

Hormones...

2004-08-01T13:05:00.000+01:00

I think the worst of the hormonal rollercoaster is over, keep your fingers crossed. It is the most unfair part of this experience! One result of wacky hormones is that I have NO PATIENCE for dumb shit. Which leads me to the presidential election, Michael Moore, and what seems to be in general pure insanity! From here it looks like there really is a possibility that Bush could "win". Please write and tell me it is my hormonal imagination gone awry. Far was watching the euro news channel a few days ago and they were interviewing the leader of "America Hates Michael Moore"...(this can't be international news!) Someone please send me some reassurance!

more on Maya...

2004-07-29T01:07:00.000+01:00

you can check out the website that Farid and I put together (it's really Far's little project). It has pix etc. of Maya. Far updates it pretty often. You can find it at:
mayamalaika.tripod.com
enjoy!

July 27, Tuesday

2004-07-27T22:32:00.000+01:00

Wow, I can hardly keep up with this experience. I can't believe Maya will be 2 months old on wed! I am often afraid to close my eyes because I miss something. She is absolutely the most profound experience of my life so far. I am trying to sharpen my psychic skills because she is definitely trying to communicate with us. She has started to find her voice the last few days and it is such a joy to hear her coo and grunt with purpose. I had no idea it would be this much fun!

July 25, 2004

2004-07-25T16:17:00.000+01:00

a little less isolated
a little more in touch
a way to stay connected to those i miss so much

There have been so many changes lately. Being a new mom being one of the biggest! I would have never guessed that life would get so different as a parent. It has challenged me to simplify my priorities by widdling away the dumb shit and keeping what is most important to me. One of those important priorities is staying connected and reaching out to the people i love and think of so often. So thanks to Adriana I have started a blog. I may be living far away right now but it is no excuse to be out of touch. So, hello, I missed you, and I really look forward to hearing from you!!!